I’m in a relationship that makes me feel safe, seen, and supported. It’s healthy, calm, and kind. I get good morning texts that don’t feel like a chore. He remembers the things I say. Shows up when it matters. Brings snacks just because he knows I’ve had a bad day. The bar isn’t high, it’s just where it should’ve been all along. And for some reason, that feels rare.

Romance didn’t die for me personally, but boy did our generation bury it.

I was doom scrolling on TikTok the other night and there was this girl who was nearly crying with happy tears because her ‘situationship’ had liked her Instagram story two days in a row. And the comments were just feral.

”War is over.”

”Don’t let him go.”

”He’s a rare breed.”

Like…are we being serious? Everyone’s out here acting like getting a double tap on your story is the emotional equivalent of a proposal.

We used to write love letters and plan picnics. Now it’s “he slid into my DMs and didn’t ghost me, I think this is it”. We’ve downgraded romance into something that barely survives on life support, and worse, we’re pretending it’s fine.

Somewhere along the way, we made effort look uncool. We’re too afraid to care, too afraid to say what we want in case it scares someone off. Dating apps have made everyone feel replaceable. Vulnerability now gets confused with desperation. And suddenly, showing interest has become a risk.

So we all pretend that we’re fine with less. We double text and then instantly regret it. We wait hours to reply so we don’t look too keen. We sleep with people who won’t even text us back. We settle for all of this when what we really want is real love.

And the wildest part is that everyone, or most should I say, still wants it. Deep down, everyone still wants to be adored, chosen, and properly seen. But most of us have been hurt enough to think we’re not allowed to ask for that anymore. So we adjust our expectations to the bare minimum. We convince ourselves that if we’re chill and easy and never ask for too much, we’ll be the one they choose. Meanwhile, nobody’s saying how they really feel. Everyone’s just playing pretend.

I know I’m lucky. I’ve got a love that feels good. One that doesn’t leave me questioning my worth or decoding messages. It’s real and honest and kind. And I’m so, so grateful. But it shouldn’t feel like I’ve won the emotional lottery just because someone treats me how people are supposed to treat each other.

It makes me sad. Genuinely sad that the standard has dropped so low that effort is now seen as extraordinary. That romance has been replaced with non-committal energy, half-hearted affection, and this endless cycle of “we’re talking but it’s not serious”. That people are praised for doing the bare minimum because so many others aren’t even trying at all.

And no, this isn’t about blaming men or women or any specific group. It’s about mourning what we’ve lost. We didn’t stop wanting connection, we just stopped believing we’d find it. So we pretend we’re okay with the silence. We turn love into a game and tell ourselves it’s fun, even when it’s exhausting.

But I still believe in the big kind of love. The old-fashioned kind. The thoughtful, intentional, heart-on-sleeve kind. I know it exists, I’m living it. But it shouldn’t be rare. It should be the baseline.

If you’ve been made to feel like wanting romance is embarrassing, or asking for effort makes you needy – I promise you it is not. You’re just asking for the right things in a time where a lot of people are too scared to give them. That doesn’t make you wrong. It makes you brave.

So here’s the reframe:

Romance isn’t dead, it’s just been hiding. Hiding behind our fear of being rejected, misunderstood, or left on read. But it’s still out there. It still matters. And if you’ve been holding out for something real, don’t let the noise make you settle. Don’t let the culture of “bare minimum is enough” trick you into forgetting what you deserve.

Because there are still people out there who will love you properly. Who will plan dates. Who will call when they say they will. Who won’t make you feel silly for hoping. Who won’t treat you like a backup plan or a placeholder. People who want to show up fully, messily, and beautifully.

So don’t lower your standards just because everyone else did. Raise them. Keep them high. Keep your heart soft. And keep believing that real romance still has a place in this generation, even if you have to scroll past 57 dry Hinge profiles and 3 red flags in neon Nike tops to find it.

— Lilly x